By Danné
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May 25, 2020
At an early age we’re taught to be strong, independent and nurturing because past cultural oppression has caused a disconnect in black homes for centuries. Homes are broken not only because it’s a generational curse, but also a cultural curse —and black girls are at the tail end of that curse. If you come from a one parent household with siblings at times you may have felt this curse; some harder than others. Single parent households with young daughters are the arbitrary of unspoken truths. In these households we are the mothers when mom is at work —especially if she works a dead end job with late if not overnight hours. We are there to cook, clean, teach and nurture our siblings which can be hard at times. While during these times young girls are still trying to find themselves, unable to socialize outside of the home because they are tending to the children —causing them social disconnect with their peers. We are patronized if we decide we want to express how we're feeling —called “grown,” “disrespectful,” “rude” and a number of things. Some of us decide that we don’t want to be put on that spectrum of “disrespectful” or “ungrateful” little black girls so we are oppressed even more in our own homes. We don’t speak out on the things that are bothering us or the things we may not agree with because our parent may have a temper which may cause for an aggressive type of discipline. Then again the world has made these forms of discipline seem normal against the black culture as a whole, that we unconsciously carried it on —until someone wants to say it’s abuse and not discipline anymore. Discipline in any culture home is needed —however the form and manner in which that discipline is presented can be changed. We don’t have to oppress our people the way we were oppressed before. With the beatings, ill talking and even the name calling we can cease this and talk to our children, especially our black daughters. Remember whats taught in the home can be carried on for a lifetime. Black girls want to be heard in their homes. They want to KNOW that they are loved. They want to feel like they can conquer the world and no ones judgement would matter. But this starts at home first. If we are not heard in our homes, expressing our opinions, ourselves, being heard without judgement —but with honesty, understanding and most importantly love, we wouldn’t feel like the whole world doesn’t hear us. You know how they say the black girl is the loudest in a room, or the most aggressive? These are all aspects of tone, if she felt heard at home first she would have an easy, soft tone, one that felt (to others) more welcoming. But this is the oppressed cycle of black girls and women, we weren’t heard and had to become loud and aggressive to be so. We tend to become involved in relationships (professionally, platonic, or even romantically) where we aren’t heard because thats what we're used to. Out of respect for our parents we dimmed our light, held our words so all we know is not speaking up is a form a respect. But this goes back further than new generation homes —our ancestors were taught not to speak up, let the man do the talking. They were told to let a man be a man, and to stay in a women’s place. This is the cultural oppression I’m referring to. Women fought hard to get equal rights as men and if staying in a women’s place meant having no voice we choose not to. When you don’t allow you daughter to express herself (in a respectable manner) you are oppressing her to become that voiceless black women, who will eventually become the loudest one in the room. Parents assume that because they parent the “politically correct” way it shows their love for their children. It doesn’t. There are parents unable to do these things for many reasons and they can love their child more than the parent that is a politically correct parent. Showing your kids you love them goes beyond the things you give them. Young black girls need to know that there is love outside of wanting it from a man. At home give her those compliments she goes outside searching for, be her hype person when she gets that new hairstyle or just kiss her on the forehead and say, “I love you." This is the type of love black girls go searching for when it’s not shown in the home. It’s evident that the parents love their daughter, but imagine that household where it’s only the mom, no father figure there to show that black girl the correct way a man should love her —she could easily become manipulated by men and boys for the idea of love and be subjected to heartbreak. These households need mom to go even harder in expressing the love she has for that young black girl, showing her how to love herself correct by loving yourself correct in front of her. Show your daughter you love her by not taking your anger out on her and saying hurtful things to her. Parents deserve respect from their children, but never think they have to give in back in return. Black girls don’t want to be criticized for everything they do, the things they wear, or the way they look. They want to live in a world where no ones judgement means anything, because at home they have a family that loves them how they are. It’s shameful when we don’t feel comfortable in our own home let alone the outside world. Stop telling her that she’s fat, she’s so dark or she’s not that good at something. Instead of these negative connotations give her a little encouragement today. Tell that girl that she can do anything she sets her mind on. Tell her that her weight isn’t a problem. Tell her that her dark skin is uniquely given. Encourage her to be a queen, don’t impact her to be just like whoever if that person represents something negative in your mind. Black girls are already open targets in this world, lets make home the one safe space for them. These black girls don’t want to be sexualized! STOP sexualizing our black girls. Don’t encourage them beyond their years. This is easily done and sometimes done with no harmful intent —telling these girls the look 5+ years older than their age because of their physique is encouraging them to act five years older. Telling them that they are thick at 10/11 years old is inviting that curiosity into their heads, wondering if anyone else thinks that. Giving them the idea to express the curiosity further. Unconsciously we are exploiting our black girls to be these targets. Keep them innocent at home and pray they carry that innocence outside. Predators will always be predators, but lets not enable our black girls into the liking of one where they are lying about their age —because you made them feel that way. Protect our black girls from this cruel world by protecting them at home. Instill ancestral teachings into them about how black girls and women were the first queens and goddesses. Pour love into them so that they know how to properly love themselves and receive the correct type of love. Encourage their academics and their intellect —so that when that teacher or guidance counselor tell them they aren’t enough they don’t become discouraged but, motivated to prove the doubters wrong. Black girls may not say it aloud but, we are crying on the inside to be understood because being misunderstood is a hard thing to keep up with. We want it to start at home where we can truthfully talk to our parent(s) about what’s bothering us. We don’t want to be dismissed in our own home as disrespectful or a back talker, when all we are doing is trying to express ourselves. We want to feel the love from those who we love most first so that we don’t have to yearn for it from those we don’t matter to. We want to be accepted as we are without our flaws becoming the highlight of your conversation. We don’t want to be put on a pedestal and them shamed when we aren't meeting the requirements of what you think we should be like. We want to know that we are enough as we are and no one can compare to us. We don’t want to be in competition with every other black girl, or any other girl for that matter. Black girls just want to be happy, loved and accepted. These are some unspoken truths of Black Girls! Content created based on a series of movies & tv shows —where directors or portraying black girls as such. It’s time that we keep one another uplifted. We are portrayed in very demeaning ways that hurt the reputation of black girls as a whole. Let’s prove their message wrong and remember you are a beautiful black queen! #MelaninMagic #BlackGirlMagic is #BeUtiful #QueensUpliftingQueens
