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The Caliber of What Breaks Us: Why Life Never Prepares Us for the Aftermath of Grief

Tue, 14 Jul 2026 19:01:41 GMT

I. The Inevitability & The Shift

Grief is the only true inevitability we are completely unqualified to handle. At some point, the clock runs out on the world as we know it, and we are forced to stand in the wreckage of a storm we didn't ask for. We are all going to experience it. Some of us will meet it in waves; others will be struck down by a sudden, singular lightning bolt.

But whether we ever truly bounce back from the impact is a question that remains permanently to be determined.

We live our lives dreadfully aware that things end. We watch the seasons shift, we read the obituaries, we watch the evening news. Yet, no amount of intellectual awareness can ever prepare the human heart for the cold, static reality of a definitive absence.

You can rehearse the scenario a thousand times in your mind, but when the door shuts behind you and the silence settles into the marrow of your bones, you realize there is no playbook for a fractured world.

II. The Structural Re-Wiring: Social, Love, and Self

When grief claims you, it doesn't just take what you lost—it re-wires who you are. It acts as a psychological barrier to our social abilities. Suddenly, navigating a crowded room or engaging in the fluff of superficial small talk feels like an impossible tax on an already bankrupt spirit. You find yourself withdrawing into the quiet, guarding your energy like a scarce resource because the world outside your head is moving at a regular speed, while you are moving through wet cement.

More than anything, grief reshapes one's capacity to love. When you experience a loss of a massive caliber, your natural defense mechanism is to build an armor. Love begins to look like a liability. To love intentionally means accepting the risk of eventual devastation, and a grieving heart will almost always choose the safety of isolation over the vulnerability of connection. You start to question if it is safe to ever drop your guard again.

The lens through which you perceive the world changes instantly. The things that mattered yesterday look incredibly small beneath the weight of a fresh sorrow. But the most terrifying shift is how you perceive yourself. You look in the mirror and realize the version of you that existed before the fracture is entirely gone, leaving you to get acquainted with a stranger who has to learn how to breathe all over again.

III. The Great Unifier: Individual Calibers, Collective Communities

Grief is a shape-shifter. We are not just mourning the bodies we bury in the dirt. We grieve the relationships that ended without closure. We grieve the versions of ourselves we had to abandon to survive. We grieve the lifetimes we thought we were going to live, only to watch the blueprint catch fire in real-time.

We all experience it at a vastly different caliber, yet it remains the single most powerful unifier of human community. It is the invisible thread that binds us across every dividing line. Grief creates an instant, unspoken language. We see it when families gather over covered foil pans in a quiet kitchen, and we see it when entire nations collectively mourn a fractured culture or a political reality that leaves half the room feeling entirely unrepresented. To look at your neighbor and realize you are both carrying a heavy, echoing ache—even for completely different reasons—is the very definition of what makes us human.

At the end of the day, grief does not leave us unchanged. It strips away the fluff, crumbles our carefully constructed adulthood armor, and forces us to reckon with our rawest fullness. We may never completely bounce back. But perhaps the victory isn't in fixing what is broken—perhaps it is simply in finding the people who are willing to stand on the porch with us, holding us together, while the rest of the world breaks apart.

Self-Care Sunday!

Sun, 07 Jun 2020 19:31:25 GMT

If you watch HBO’s Insecure, you know what self-care Sunday is. Characters, Issa and Molly partake in self-care Sunday by doing things that promote self-awareness and self-love for their bodies and mental. So, me being a huge fan of the show I’ve decided to incorporate self-care Sunday into my life. I Choose not to work on Sunday’s, that’s any kind of work that is not stimulating personal growth! As an advocate for self-awareness I’m personally encouraging all of my readers to partake in self-care Sunday’s.

We can all engage in self-care Sunday by doing a few things.

For starters, try to wake up at a reasonable time. I’d put that between 7-9 am. Once you’re up, if you pray say a prayer to express your gratitude for another day & more life. If you don’t pray, try to meditate for about 5-10 minutes. With meditation you still want to express your gratitude. These are two things that will set the tone for your day.

Next you want to take a sticky note or paper and write a daily affirmation. Something very personal to you, that you want to manifest through the day. Leave that affirmation somewhere visible so that you can see it throughout the day. Each time you see it read it aloud in a manifestation manner, so that it will come to pass. (This is something you can do on a daily to keep your spirits high.)

After you write your affirmation enjoy a nice breakfast. If you’re like me and don’t really care for breakfast food, have some fruit or something with a lot of nutrients to get your day started. (Remember it’s not when you eat, it’s what you eat!) And don’t forget to drink your water! On self-care Sunday’s we are trying to eliminate our bad habits and replace them with self-caring habits. Habits that contribute to a better living and you.

Now that you have some energy and nutrients, let’s work out! The next 30 minutes should be dedicated to you working out. Show your body some love today! Your workout can be whatever you’re comfortable with. If you go to the gym today would be a great day to spend at least 30 minutes in there. Or if you don’t have access to a gym there are many things you can do at home or right outside your door. Yoga is a great body and mind workout, while you’re stretching you are also relaxing your mind. Walking around your neighborhood for 30 minutes is an easy calorie burner. Doing a full body exercise with warmups and cool downs from YouTube is a great way to show your body some love. Anything that actually is going to get your heart rate going is a good way to self-care on Sunday’s.

After your blood is flowing you should do something creative. Something that is stimulating your mind further. Or read a book. Or pamper yourself. This is the perfect time to show yourself some love. Do that one thing you love to do, but swear you never have time to do. If that’s drawing, draw something. If its cooking plan your nice Sunday dinner. Whatever it is make sure it’s for you and is promoting self-care!

The entire Sunday you don’t have to be physically active, you just want to be more active within yourself. Doing those things, you love to do the most. It’s all about promoting self-awareness, self-love, self-reflection and self-care. Do something that brings you joy. Set new daily goals for yourself and boundaries for other people. Acknowledge yourself, love on yourself, speak life into yourself. If you’re unable to do anything that is physical on self-care Sunday, just speak more life into you. Embrace yourself. And most importantly remember that the way you love and care for yourself is the tone you’re setting for everyone else to love and care for you!

Love and Power to you all on this beautiful day!

Some Unspoken Truths of Black Girls

Mon, 25 May 2020 01:09:46 GMT

At an early age we’re taught to be strong, independent and nurturing because past cultural oppression has caused a disconnect in black homes for centuries. Homes are broken not only because it’s a generational curse, but also a cultural curse —and black girls are at the tail end of that curse. If you come from a one parent household with siblings at times you may have felt this curse; some harder than others. Single parent households with young daughters are the arbitrary of unspoken truths. In these households we are the mothers when mom is at work —especially if she works a dead end job with late if not overnight hours. We are there to cook, clean, teach and nurture our siblings which can be hard at times. While during these times young girls are still trying to find themselves, unable to socialize outside of the home because they are tending to the children —causing them social disconnect with their peers. We are patronized if we decide we want to express how we're feeling —called “grown,” “disrespectful,” “rude” and a number of things. Some of us decide that we don’t want to be put on that spectrum of “disrespectful” or “ungrateful” little black girls so we are oppressed even more in our own homes. We don’t speak out on the things that are bothering us or the things we may not agree with because our parent may have a temper which may cause for an aggressive type of discipline. Then again the world has made these forms of discipline seem normal against the black culture as a whole, that we unconsciously carried it on —until someone wants to say it’s abuse and not discipline anymore. Discipline in any culture home is needed —however the form and manner in which that discipline is presented can be changed. We don’t have to oppress our people the way we were oppressed before. With the beatings, ill talking and even the name calling we can cease this and talk to our children, especially our black daughters. Remember whats taught in the home can be carried on for a lifetime.

Black girls want to be heard in their homes. They want to KNOW that they are loved. They want to feel like they can conquer the world and no ones judgement would matter. But this starts at home first. If we are not heard in our homes, expressing our opinions, ourselves, being heard without judgement —but with honesty, understanding and most importantly love, we wouldn’t feel like the whole world doesn’t hear us. You know how they say the black girl is the loudest in a room, or the most aggressive? These are all aspects of tone, if she felt heard at home first she would have an easy, soft tone, one that felt (to others) more welcoming. But this is the oppressed cycle of black girls and women, we weren’t heard and had to become loud and aggressive to be so. We tend to become involved in relationships (professionally, platonic, or even romantically) where we aren’t heard because thats what we're used to. Out of respect for our parents we dimmed our light, held our words so all we know is not speaking up is a form a respect. But this goes back further than new generation homes —our ancestors were taught not to speak up, let the man do the talking. They were told to let a man be a man, and to stay in a women’s place. This is the cultural oppression I’m referring to. Women fought hard to get equal rights as men and if staying in a women’s place meant having no voice we choose not to. When you don’t allow you daughter to express herself (in a respectable manner) you are oppressing her to become that voiceless black women, who will eventually become the loudest one in the room.

Parents assume that because they parent the “politically correct” way it shows their love for their children. It doesn’t. There are parents unable to do these things for many reasons and they can love their child more than the parent that is a politically correct parent. Showing your kids you love them goes beyond the things you give them. Young black girls need to know that there is love outside of wanting it from a man. At home give her those compliments she goes outside searching for, be her hype person when she gets that new hairstyle or just kiss her on the forehead and say, “I love you." This is the type of love black girls go searching for when it’s not shown in the home. It’s evident that the parents love their daughter, but imagine that household where it’s only the mom, no father figure there to show that black girl the correct way a man should love her —she could easily become manipulated by men and boys for the idea of love and be subjected to heartbreak. These households need mom to go even harder in expressing the love she has for that young black girl, showing her how to love herself correct by loving yourself correct in front of her. Show your daughter you love her by not taking your anger out on her and saying hurtful things to her. Parents deserve respect from their children, but never think they have to give in back in return.

Black girls don’t want to be criticized for everything they do, the things they wear, or the way they look. They want to live in a world where no ones judgement means anything, because at home they have a family that loves them how they are. It’s shameful when we don’t feel comfortable in our own home let alone the outside world. Stop telling her that she’s fat, she’s so dark or she’s not that good at something. Instead of these negative connotations give her a little encouragement today. Tell that girl that she can do anything she sets her mind on. Tell her that her weight isn’t a problem. Tell her that her dark skin is uniquely given. Encourage her to be a queen, don’t impact her to be just like whoever if that person represents something negative in your mind.

Black girls are already open targets in this world, lets make home the one safe space for them. These black girls don’t want to be sexualized! STOP sexualizing our black girls. Don’t encourage them beyond their years. This is easily done and sometimes done with no harmful intent —telling these girls the look 5+ years older than their age because of their physique is encouraging them to act five years older. Telling them that they are thick at 10/11 years old is inviting that curiosity into their heads, wondering if anyone else thinks that. Giving them the idea to express the curiosity further. Unconsciously we are exploiting our black girls to be these targets. Keep them innocent at home and pray they carry that innocence outside. Predators will always be predators, but lets not enable our black girls into the liking of one where they are lying about their age —because you made them feel that way. Protect our black girls from this cruel world by protecting them at home. Instill ancestral teachings into them about how black girls and women were the first queens and goddesses. Pour love into them so that they know how to properly love themselves and receive the correct type of love. Encourage their academics and their intellect —so that when that teacher or guidance counselor tell them they aren’t enough they don’t become discouraged but, motivated to prove the doubters wrong.

Black girls may not say it aloud but, we are crying on the inside to be understood because being misunderstood is a hard thing to keep up with. We want it to start at home where we can truthfully talk to our parent(s) about what’s bothering us. We don’t want to be dismissed in our own home as disrespectful or a back talker, when all we are doing is trying to express ourselves. We want to feel the love from those who we love most first so that we don’t have to yearn for it from those we don’t matter to. We want to be accepted as we are without our flaws becoming the highlight of your conversation. We don’t want to be put on a pedestal and them shamed when we aren't meeting the requirements of what you think we should be like. We want to know that we are enough as we are and no one can compare to us. We don’t want to be in competition with every other black girl, or any other girl for that matter. Black girls just want to be happy, loved and accepted.

These are some unspoken truths of Black Girls!

Content created based on a series of movies & tv shows —where directors or portraying black girls as such. It’s time that we keep one another uplifted. We are portrayed in very demeaning ways that hurt the reputation of black girls as a whole. Let’s prove their message wrong and remember you are a beautiful black queen! #MelaninMagic #BlackGirlMagic is #BeUtiful #QueensUpliftingQueens

Why Dating May Not Be Working For You

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The Situationship

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Staying Sane During This Pandemic

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